What We Get Wrong About OCD

TW for intrusive thoughts, OCD, self-injurious behaviors, suicidal thoughts, and discussions of harm/violence.

"I'm so OCD!"

"Ugh, my OCD hates that."

"It's my OCD."

If you've ever heard a comment like this...yeah, me too.

Here's the thing: if you haven't seen OCD up close, you might believe this.

And if you have...fellow OCD'ers, how do you do? You probably know what I'm about to tell you,

but I'd be thrilled if you read along and maybe occasionally nodded in recognition.

But in a word? OCD is hell.

These two pictures were taken less than two years apart

And, well, not to point out the obvious: my hair. And my dog, but he's not the focus of this article (if you want to hear about him, you might like this).

You see, for most of my life, I had long, thick hair. This is my natural hair, by the way - nothing but a trim once a year. People used to call me Rapunzel because it came down to my waist - and sometimes further.

Now, I do not.

I talked a bit about OCD and trichotillomania on my post about my service dog. Basically, he's trained to interrupt me if I pick or pull at my scalp. It's helpful, especially because he's very persistent.

But I didn't always have him, and nothing is a cure-all. I also have my TedTalk - which is on OCD, anxiety, and trichotillomania - on my home page.

I've been medicated for my OCD for two years. I don't want to rely on these two orange pills, but I do. Because the alternative is worse.

Of all the things I've ever dealt with in terms of health, OCD is the worst. And I group trichotillomania, or hair pulling, under it, because it's considered a compulsion, even though it's technically a separate diagnosis.

My medication has helped my OCD tremendously - but not my trich. I still pull, and I still pick, and I still wind up with bald spots. I'm fully bald now - and my hair takes way less time to wash, sure, but I still miss my hair.

But honestly? Even though I lost all my hair, I'm still extremely grateful for my medication - because even though my OCD was pretty mild, it still was horrible, and it helped that.

My OCD wasn't very visible - no repetitive counting or hand-washing. Instead, it manifested as intrusive thoughts and rumination. It manifested as violence and harm and what if you do that? What if you're actually a horrible person? What if you hurt them? What if you hurt yourself?

The thing about intrusive thoughts is that when they're as frequent as mine, it's hard to tell what you're actually thinking - and what's the demon in your head.

It becomes harder and harder to refute the claims that maybe I am a bad person and maybe I am a danger and maybe it would just be better if I wasn't here anymore. Because what kind of person keeps thinking about that kind of stuff?

I'm still here, but honestly, looking back, I didn't know whether or not I was suicidal. I still don't know what was me and what was the intrusive thoughts that said I should just die.

Yeah.

OCD is actually really scary, and it's very serious. It's not silly or quirky - it's a legitimate mental illness that makes it hard or even impossible to function.

That's probably not what the media told you. That's not clean or organized or a perfectionist.

So next time you think about calling yourself or someone else "so OCD"?

Evaluate what you're actually trying to say about them, and find a word that actually fits.

As always, thank you for reading! Again, my TedTalk is on my home page if you want to watch it and learn more about OCD.

If you have comments or questions, please feel free to comment!